Child sex abuse -- the enemy within

SELF-HELP by Fathmath Ibrahim (Iko*) While doing research for this article, I read a very graphic book on this topic called 'Bitter chocolate' by Pinki Virani. At one point, I couldn't go on. The stories were too real and too close to heart. A close friend of mine was abused at the age of 13 years. Part of her is and will always be retarded and in denial. But part of her, like so many of us, will always be fighting -- to stop this 'enemy within' from preying on another child! Child sexual abuse is a societal problem of staggering proportion and consequence in Maldives. Studies indicate that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before the age of sixteen. The personal and societal costs of this abuse are appalling. Child sexual abuse is a hidden and secretive affair. Less than one in ten victims ever "tells", and only a small percentage of sexual abuse cases are ever reported. Child sexual abuse is a society's dirtiest, darkest and most damaging secret. Of course, you may choose to deny it. But it is very much among us here in Maldives. Incest does occur. Pedophiles are lurking like vampires ready to draw blood. And like vampires, they are also invited guests. The enemy is therefore, within. They're in our homes, our neighborhoods and our communities. The statistics are climbing higher and we can no longer choose to ignore it. The latest data from the Units for the Rights of Children in Maldives show 22 cases of child sexual abuse (with an average age of 9 years!) has been reported during the months of January to April this year. This is only the figure reported; can you imagine the numbers out there who are unknown? Just think, as you are reading this, a child is being abused somewhere. Child sexual abuse is any inappropriate sexual behavior towards the child and could be anything from penetration, using an object, or even forcing pornographic material on the child. Based on the figures, it is evident that most abuse root from the child's home and by someone in the family or close to the family; 85% of the children abused are females and 96% of the offenders are males. Often the offender is someone the child knows and trusts and someone who knows the functioning of the household. Some caregivers are aware of such abuse but choose not to believe it or ignore it altogether. Sometimes the child tries to communicate his or her grief but it may not always be clear. Therefore, it is very important good communication is established from the start and children are given the confidence that they can tell their mommy or daddy anything. The abuser may have threatened the child, or the child may be hesitant to tell the parents in fear that they will not believe it. We need to empower our children with their rights and teach them how to say 'NO'. Parents and teachers need to know how to recognize signs of abuse and how to get help. We need to change societal attitudes towards sexual abuse – it is never acceptable and it's never OK. By trying to protect your family's izzath (honor), you're only hurting your child who has been deprived of his or her innocence and rights. So my appeal to you readers: please don't let the enemy within win. [*Iko is a psychologist working with the Narcotics Control Board (NCB). If you have any questions or concerns about drug abuse and related social or interpersonal issues, please email her at: fi4@waikato.ac.nz]