Rekindle your romance -- even after marriage

SELF-HELP by Fathmath Ibrahim (Iko*) A friend once asked me 'why is it that after marriage a man stops being romantic?" In reality, the man is rarely the sole reason for the loss of romance in a marriage. There seems to be a tendency for both partners to "relax" in a relationship after the paperwork is signed. For Him: Most men think that because they are "turned on" by the more physical aspects, women are too. Unlike men, women are more lured by the emotional traits such as a caring attitude and open communication. Most women seem to respond romantically to "effort". She will melt in your arms if you were thoughtful enough to bring some flowers or a little gift or simply after you had "spent some time" giving her your attention. For Her: However, it is not just the man who messes up the romance in a marriage. Before marriage, ladies tend to spend more time and effort looking good for their men, but soon after the honeymoon it becomes secondary. We give excuses like; kids, jobs, parents and lack of privacy. But remember that most men respond favorably to simple physical things like the way a woman looks, smells, moves and sounds. So it pays to take that extra time to pamper yourself, and flaunt what you've got. Even after years of marriage, it is important to have quality time only for the two of you. Here are some ways for you to rekindle your romance and keep the fire burning: * Start by just holding hands. Hold hands every time you are together. All of us need more touching, and holding hands is a wonderful way to show our partner we love them. * Write love notes to one another, even if it's just the words "I love you." Leave them where your partner will find them during the day. * Compliment your partner often. Tell them all the things you love and appreciate about them. Write a note stating three ways the world is a better place because he/she is in it. * Pamper your partner with a hand, foot, back, or neck massage. Share a romantic meal. Prepare it together. Put candles on the table. Dress up as though on a date. Play your favorite music. Unplug the phone and enjoy each other. (Leave kids with a relative for the night) * Do a "random act of kindness" for your partner. Surprise them with something that they'll never expect but will greatly appreciate. It can be extra special if it is something that you did while you were dating (for e.g. snorkeling, night out in a resort/island, a romantic walk along the beach) * Exchange lists with each other of at least four things that you respect and admire about your partner. Write a paragraph recalling the events, things you noticed and the way you felt when the two of you first met. * Take at least 15 minutes a day for 'growth time' for you to share your dreams for the future and really listen to each other. Laugh, love, learn and grow together. * Spend a whole day together, just the two of you. Play and have fun. Go for a walk and talk. Do what you both enjoy. If you have children, make arrangements with family or friends to watch them. * Remember that intimacy may mean different things to men and women. My favorite book, John Gray's Mars and Venus in the Bedroom will help explain the differences in men and women. Read it out loud to each other. Respectfully talk about what makes each of you feel close to the other. Remember, feeling safe and unconditionally accepted lead both men and women to feeling loved and special. * Helping each other out as much as you can, can also be extremely romantic. Help her to do the dishes, at the same time steal a few kisses to let her know how much she is appreciated. If he is working late give him a call and let him know someone special is waiting at home for him. * Start dating again. Set aside a regular night for couple time. It's okay to meet friends, but save at least the first hour or so for just the two of you. Do everything you can to bring new surprises into your relationship, whether that means sexy ling