In search of the “perfect” woman (or man)

By Fathmath Ibrahim (Iko*) My brother just got married to his longtime girlfriend of 12 years! This made me wonder whether that 15 years has been spent confirming his belief that she is the perfect woman for him and vice versa. Is there such a thing as the perfect woman or the perfect man? Many of us, even from childhood, have templates of how our perfect boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife will be like. Some say: "My ideal man will be tall, dark, movie-star type looks with rugged features and a fat bank account to boost!"; "My ideal woman will be skinny, have a nice smile, dark hair, gorgeous legs, small breasts, firm body but not muscular!" Some of us go to extreme lengths in deciding whether someone is right or wrong for us. Some of us are on a quest to find that "perfect" partner, our ultimate lover, our soul mate, our equal, who shares our every interest and belief. This is a completely unrealistic expectation. Someone with this expectation causes his or her own disappointments, and will rarely experience the satisfaction of a loving relationship. We are all individuals, with different opinions, philosophies, political beliefs, hobbies, musical tastes, and habits -- some good and some bad. These things are what make up who we are as unique individuals. In a relationship, some of the differences may actually be advantageous to building a stronger, loving relationship between you. Sometimes you balance one another, each offering different strengths. For example, if you lack patience, and your partner is the most patient human being you have ever met, your partner can help you in situations where you need to exercise more patience. Relationships are built not only from love and sexual attraction. They are also built from compatibility, which does not necessarily mean sameness. As a couple, you have to share some similar likes and dislikes, and you have to enjoy doing many things together, but you do not have to be identical twins. Each of us has to maintain our individuality. It is what attracted us to each other in the first place. Instead of seeking the "perfect" partner, you need to seek a partner who is right for you. Let go of your 'perfect partner' template and focus on what your partner has and build on that. Start to grow together as a couple to improve your weaknesses and enjoy your strengths. Sure, it can be hard with the daily hammerings on TV underlying the attractions of a long neck and voluptuous body. But what we need to realize is that hardly ever does fantasy become reality. What we seek superciliously can also be seen alternatively in a heart of gold, or an unbeatable marvelous attitude of love and care. Finding the right person for you is only the beginning of this process. Without putting in work, even the most perfectly matched couple's relationship will eventually fade. Many of us learn this the hard way, regretting that we did not work harder at our relationships while we still had the chance. Some of us go from relationship to relationship, hoping to find "the perfect one," only to find ourselves, down the road in another relationship, missing an old partner whom we now recognize, in our heart, was the right one for us. As they say, 'Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder'! Let me share an extract by James L. Collymore called the "Perfect Woman": "I began many years ago, as so many young men do, in searching for the perfect woman. I believed that if I looked long enough, and hard enough, I would find her and then I would be secure for life. Well, the years and romances came and went, and I eventually ended up settling for someone a lot less than my idea of perfection. But one day, after many years together, I lay there on our bed recovering from a slight illness. My wife was sitting on a chair next to the bed, humming softly and watching the late afternoon sun filtering through the trees. And as I looked up into my wife's now wrinkled face, but still warm and twinkling eyes